14 for 14

Aloha Inwestigators!

It's been a while since last we met. How have you been? You smell nice. Here's a brief summary of my antics since the end of November, in no semblance of chronological order:

- Office Christmas party! There was an abundance of the following: wine, vodka (pre-party), singing, table-based horn action, dancing, after-party snacks, and use of the word 'jizzmas'. A complete success.

- Actual Christmas! It was excellent! Days Christmas and Boxing were spent with my family, and many profiteroles made the ultimate sacrifice. We also had a selfie stick:



LOLJAMES.

- Christmas holidays! I have mightily enjoyed the break from work. Actually, I've enjoyed the break from my job, but I've missed THIS LOT:



- Writing! I'm currently drafting the plot of a YA novel, based on a short story I wrote last month. I was lucky enough to win a competition and have my work published on the lovely Literative blog (link here). I received awesome feedback from my friends (I may or may not have cried; YOU GUYS!), and I thoroughly enjoyed throwing myself into the post-apocalyptic world I'd created, so I'm delving back in to expand the story and flesh it out with words and shit (disclaimer: 0% faeces). I'm also in the initial stages of piecing together a story with the working title Zion. I'm really excited about developing these ideas; from research to editing and everything in between. A creative outlet is so good for me, and as obvious as it sounds, committing these ideas to paper and screen makes me feel like an actual writer. It is a most excellent feeling.

- Holidays (non-Christmas)! Shit the fucking bed, we're off to San Fran and bladdy Vegas soon! DEM FLIGHTZ. Yeah, so 12 hours in the air is not a prospect I relish, but I'm going to request some stronger medication to ensure I enjoy the experience (and by that I mean sleep through the whole fucking thing). I can't wait to immerse myself in California; it's been at the top of places I'd like to visit for a very long time. I've never really had an overwhelming desire to go to Vegas, but I've heard excellent things about it. We're staying at the Bellagio, with a fountain-facing room, so I'll make sure to bring every piece of elaborate rapper jewellery I own, because BIG PIMPIN'.

- New year! So it's January tomorrow; as such, I will be posting a review of the year / resolution EXTRAVAGANZA (disclaimer: may contain 0% extravagance / 100% faeces). 2014 has been a difficult year on balance, and I'm not sad to leave it behind. I am, however, eternally hopeful for the future, and I will saunter into 2015 with renewed enthusiasm that happiness will find me again.

Such update. Many news. Wow.

Moving on to the porpoise of this post; 14 for 14. Long-term Inwestigators may remember a review of the year in music I posted last December (imaginatively titled 13 for 13; I'm nothing without originality), and to mark the conclusion of another trip around the sun, I present to you the bestest fourteen songs of the year. Enjoy!

14. Lazaretto // Jack White



Pretty standard Jack White, which means it's fucking excellent. Velvety rock meets unfathomable lyrics. Don't bother trying to understand it without several boxes of Qaalude. Actually don't try to understand it at all, just enjoy the melody and Jack White singing words.

13. Birthday // Katy Perry



I like Katy Perry. She's talented, consistent, can bash out a dope tune, has had some fierce hair colours, but she's not quite as batshit as Minaj, which is actually quite nice. What I love about Birthday is that it's unabashed bubblegum pop, and it's executed really well. Great song for a dance about the floor or the bedroom, whatever. Live your dreams.

12. Sex // Lenny Kravitz



OHAI LENNY KRAVITZ. Where the fuck have you been? Answer: making excellent music, bitch. Sex is from lovely Lenny's album Strut, which is perf because it's an excellent strutting song. I'm certain that wasn't the primary application in mind, but there we go!

11. Uptight Downtown // La Roux



The return of my beloved La Roux, and their funky funky beats! The new album, Trouble In Paradise, was a long time in the making, but it's a beautifully crafted piece of art. The first single, Uptight Downtown, is a glorious throwback to the intersection of funk and disco of the late seventies, with bonus eighties androgyny. The last 20-30 seconds in particular are ridiculous; there's a breakdown to the outro which will have you frantically scrolling back for seconds.

10. Belong To The City // PARTYNEXTDOOR



Shoutout to Lee for introducing me to PARTYNEXTDOOR and his swirly R&B jams. Belong To The City and Sex On The Beach are my favourite songs from the album Two, but the former just edges it. Music for chilling and thinking; awesome.

9. Conrad // Ben Howard



Ben Howard; thing of beauty, creator of beauty. BEAUTY. This has been my ultimate writing tune during the latter part of the year; it helps my mind wander to faraway beaches and mountain tops. It's hella atmospheric, y'all. Just a lovely little song to escape into.

8. Wicked Games // Parra for Cuva



Oh me oh my, what a gorgeous little tune this is. Chris Isaak's Wicked Game, one of my favourite songs of all time, gets a chilled house (think Majestic Casual) remix, retaining the sombre, emotional vibe of the original. Wonderful.

7. Anaconda // Nicki Minaj



Last year I selected Blurred Lines for inclusion in the 13 for 13 list, which fulfilled the controversy quotient, being both sexist and disrespectful to the work of Marvin Gaye. At the time, I attempted to explain the existential crisis prompted by the disconnect between my ethics and my love of a damn fly beat. I find myself in a similar situation this year, with sincere thanks to Ms Minaj and her Sir Mix-A-Lot-sampling effort, Anaconda. Let's perform a scientific analysis / simple list of pros and cons. Beginning with the cons; the 'skinny bitches in the club' section is hardly body-positive, there's a considerable amount of purring, screeching, maniacal laughter, and misc vocalisations in the place of actual lyrics, an unsuccessful attempt has been made by Ms Minaj to rhyme palace with stylish, and the video is fucking terrible. Pros: almost everything else. When utilised as a (pole) dancing song, it's on point. For example, this was played at my work Christmas party, and the floor went cray. Such festive. Also, speaking as a lady Ms Minaj might identify as one of her "bitches with a fat ass in the fucking club", I appreciate the shout-out. I really do. I also acknowledge that in her own way, Ms Minaj is attempting to demonstrate body positivity to, and solidarity with, women of size. Fat ass big bitches in the club applaud you, Ms Minaj. When the pineapple ceases to revolve, will Anaconda emerge as a feminist anthem? Only time will tell.

6. Love Never Felt So Good // Michael Jackson feat. Justin Timberlake



Posthumous releases are always tricky. For me, there's often a nagging doubt over whether the end result is anywhere near what the artist wanted, for example every Tupac song that's dropped since he passed. However, the producers have done a stirling job with Love Never Felt So Good; a song which perfectly captures the vibe of Off The Wall-era MJ. The vocals are on point, and JT makes a very worthy contribution. I don't think this song received the attention and praise it deserved, but in time I hope it's appreciated along with MJ's greatest hits.

5. Luna // Bombay Bicycle Club



The acronym BBC can apply to many a great thing. The British Broadcasting Corporation, Bournemouth Borough Council, big bla... Anyway. Today I'm here to talk about the eternally wonderful Bombay Bicycle Club. Their music gives me all the happy feels, and every song is exquisitely intricate. Luna was one of the first songs I heard in 2014, and I was confident from the first play that it would be included in 14 for 14.

4. Heart and Soul // Twin Atlantic



The first time I heard this song, my immediate reaction was THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD. I stand by that initial appraisal. It's raw and energetic and yeah, I just adore it. Also, a million points for singing in regional accents. The acoustic version is also excellent.

3. Budapest // George Ezra



Oh, lovely George Ezra. Lovely George Ezra with your house in Budapest, hidden treasure chest, golden grand piano, et al. Budapest is beautiful song, in both craft and sentiment. It's incredibly profound, heartfelt, and soulful; the product of genuine talent. Hearing Ezra roar "give me one good reason why I should never make a change", even after thousands of plays, still gives me goosebumps. I could sit here all day and tell you how wonderful this song is, but you probably already know. If not, treat yourself to three minutes of gorgeousness (including the musician - Budapest-y bonus):

2. Uptown Funk // Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars



JULIO! GET THE STRETCH! Oh no you didn't, Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars! I can't express in words how much I adore this song. It's silly and camp and ridiculous and probably a bit offensive, but it's so fucking good. It makes me want to dance; not just dance, but perform in a music video, wearing a sequinned and rhinestone-encrusted suit with an equally bejewelled trilby and holographic platforms, with dodgy eighties graphics to accentuate my shape-throwing. Specifically, the rainbow-shadow hype from Blame It On The Boogie. HOT DAMN.

1. Shake It Off // Taylor Swift



Prior to Shake It Off, I never would have imagined myself to be a TayTay fan. I found her, with the utmost respect, to be profoundly annoying. However, my opinion changed for two reasons. Firstly, she is articulate, witty, and hilarious in interviews (and she's made some impressive comments about feminism). Secondly, 1989 is a genuinely fantastic album. I enjoyed Shake It Off so much that when TayTay decided to remove her music from Spotify, I actually bought the album. From iTunes. With CA$H. I have absolutely no ragrets.



Back to Shake It Off; what I appreciate more than anything is that she's answering her critics, but with a lighthearted, non-bitchy approach. The video is a glorious exercise in self-deprication (TayTay acknowledges and highlights her lack of rhythm/dancing skills), and it's executed beautifully. The closing portion, featuring people of all shapes and sizes just shaking it the fuck off, is ace. Air five, TayTay!
Perhaps I'm assigning excessive profundity to a pop song, but Shake It Off has also been a source of great encouragement during my recent anxious spells. Self-reflection is fine, but sometimes it's more valuable (and funnerer) to throw some questionable shapes (to this. sick. beat.) and get out of my head for a few minutes. Plus I've danced to this with some pretty jahmazing people, so it's intertwined with lovely memories.

SPECIAL MENTION
Sam Smith // In The Lonely Hour
Last year, I selected Sam Smith's Nirvana for the 13 for 13 list, and it remains one of my favourite songs. DAT OUTRO. His first full album, In The Lonely Hour, is amazing, jahmazing, superjahmazing, and every relevant synonym. There is not a single filler track; each song is as beautifully written and performed as the next. Smith's voice conveys so much raw emotion that he should rightly be placed alongside the great soul singers. Listen to Leave Your Lover and embrace the feels; his words and voice are just about perfect. I can't wait to hear more in 2015!



SPECIAL MENTION II
The Rua // Essence
This year's second special mention goes to the very talented Brown siblings for their excellent debut album, Essence. I'm slightly biased because my friend Alanna (Sue) is in the group, but they really are a great little group; think Fleetwood Mac meets The Corrs meets NWA. OK, maybe not NWA (yet; I'm not sure which direction their music will take for the second album). The full album can be found on Spotify (link), and their first single, Fight For What's Right, is herrrrr:



That's it! Go in peace, to love and shake it off.